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not in a crude or nasty way, but have more of a French approach of doing things in style.” Ah yes, the French.
The famous cinq a sept — 5pm to 7pm — where people meet to have no-strings sex with people who are not their spouses.
“Puritan Christian culture can turn marriage into a prison,” she says.
She suggests we should reexamine our insistence on fidelity and get over the ingrained sexual squeamishness of our “puritan culture”.
By ‘we’, she means Britain and America, but says this includes Ireland too — because we also regard affairs as cheating.
What Hakim wishes to highlight is a new trend born of the internet, where equally matched men and women meet online on websites designed solely for the purpose of no-strings sexual affairs. What if one person develops feelings for the person with whom they are having the ‘no-strings’ connection?
These are what Hakim calls ‘playfairs’ — not affairs of the heart, but sexual connections which may result in at most, a friendship — neither party is remotely interested in leaving their partner or restructuring their domestic lives. “They are dropped like a stone,” Hakim says emphatically.
Maeve Douglas, counsellor with Relationships Ireland responds: “A discreet ‘no-strings’ internet affair sounds like an interesting proposal to deal with celibate marriage, but in reality can it work?
If both partners in the marriage consent to this idea and have explored its possible implications and impact together, then it may serve a purpose but at what cost emotionally and where does it leave trust and emotional intimacy?Here’s her argument: America, Britain and Ireland lag far behind the rest of Western Europe in our attitudes to sex, monogamy and fidelity.We regard sexless marriages (one fifth of all marriages in the US and Britain, according to her research) as more acceptable than marriages where the dissatisfied partner seeks sex outside the marriage without dismantling the family unit.“Puritan culture” negates and trivialises the importance of having your sexual needs met, she says.As in, if you and your spouse haven’t had sex for five years, well, tough.This is not what she is talking about, although of course this still happens all the time.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating