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[ For info on “A century of foreign humiliation” and more, see my Chinese History for Dummies: A short jog through 5,000 years ] During the course of making some chit-chat, I’ve made some–what I thought to be innocent–observations or jokes about my travels in China that didn’t go over that well.If they’re offended, it’s more subtle–don’t expect an argument or even a rebuttal.

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In China, seniority matters: the oldest person gets the most respect so address them first when first meeting (or saying goodbye).

If you’re not sure how to address someone, just ask.

These days, there’s plenty of exposure to the ways of the West (via pirated Hollywood DVDs mostly) and most people will be ready for a handshake from a laowai.

They might even be proactive in offering one first.

I’ve found that most Chinese have pretty thin skin when foreigners (especially Westerners) make comments comparing China with their own countries.

It’s almost as if there’s a collective angst about their past and recent history (being exploited by foreign powers, portrayed in the Western media in an unflattering way, etc) that gives many a kind of chip of their shoulder.

And maybe more importantly, I hope this information will help you keep your cool when you’re tempted to go ballistic on the guy who just cut in front of you in line.

First off, I should explain that the Chinese — consciously or not — use a double standard when applying etiquette rules: They see the world in terms of their circle of personal and business relationships…everyone else. Hyde” contradiction that many foreigners have of the Chinese: One minute their exceedingly gracious Chinese host insists on walking them to the bus station….the next minute, a pushy stranger has elbowed them out of the way (without even offering a non-verbal “sorry”). It’s hard to understand the cultural roots of this behavior but part of it has to do with the Confucian worldview, which is deeply embedded in societal relations.

Others have a hard time getting used to people unabashedly staring and pointing at their gigantic and oddly angled laowai noses.

For some, their hot button is the ever-present second-hand smoke (particularly in a No Smoking area).

The person hosting will order all of the dishes — which are shared by the table — and pay for the whole enchilada.

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